For My Future Husband

1. I've waited and waited for you. Cried for you and prayed for you. No one will ever appreciate you like I will.
2. I'm scared of guns. I'll never ask you to not own a gun because of me, but I'll always ask you to protect me.
3. Make me laugh. I hope you're amazing at impersonations. If not, just be yourself and I'll love you.
4. Dance with me. Randomly and in public. Who cares what people think? If I have you I have everything.
5. Be a kid with me. Ask me to play your video games with you, I'll always say yes.
6. Let me serenade you...in a hideous voice so we can laugh and laugh.
7. Pray for me. I will be your biggest prayer warrior and I want you to be mine.
8. Watch tv with me. I'll watch Jack Bauer if you will watch Rory Gilmore.
9. Let me be your best friend. Take me to your favorite teams games and let me wear your favorite worn out hoodies. I'll scream louder than any fan.
10. Compete with me. Race me even if I lose and I'll always kick your butt in March Madness.


Just some thoughts! I can't wait for God's most precious gift to come. I love him already!

Peace & Blessings.

To Be Fat Like Me

As many of you know, I was called fat by a customer. I assumed I would bounce back after a day or so of moping only to find myself leaving the gym in tears. This is not a post for self-pity, but rather an attempt to work through this without a therapist (haha).

So there I was in the gym, working out with my dad and sister. At first I was fine, but as we continued to lift weights I noticed the difference in my waistline. I was immediately discouraged. Instead of working through it, I decided to quit lifting weights and try some cardio.

As I was running, I felt the emotions hit. All of the sudden, I kept saying I can't do this, I just can't do this. Now let me take a brief break here: when I exercise I sweat like a 300 pound man. It is horrific. So anyway there are at least four cute guys in there, I'm feeling fat, and I look like I've jumped out of the pool. Horrific, I know. So there I was sweating, chubby, and discouraged. All of the sudden, I slammed the stop button walked out and cried. I cried because I was embarrassed, I cried because I felt helpless, and I cried because I didn't think I could do it.
I titled this To Be Fat Like Me because no matter what anyone says I have to discover the truth for myself. I have to believe that I can do this no matter how many people believe in me. I'm trying my best to get to that point. So why am I writing? Because until I believe in myself I need you to believe in me. Believe I can find myself to be beautiful, believe I can live a healthy lifestyle, believe I can change. Believe for me until I can believe for myself. And most importantly pray for me. Pray pray pray. I love you all.

Peace&blessings.

Coffee Shop Contemplations

Last night, during the awesome singing by Jeremy Rutherford, a family came into the coffee shop. Their dress indicated a lower socioeconomic class, and they quickly plopped into a seat to make use of our free WIFI. The husband made a quick trip to the bathroom and the wife was sent to find the price of a smoothie. Just a little over four dollars, the smoothie was beyond their paying capabilities, and she quickly sat down disappointed. My heart started to hurt. As the singer packed up and the family started to gather their things, my heart began beating faster remembering their desire for a smoothie. I quickly rushed over to offer them a free smoothie (don't worry Mr. Kidd I paid for it later). You would have thought I offered them a million dollars. Shocked by the offer, their faces lit up as I made some smoothies. The point of this blog is just now coming. No, do not thank me or say that was kind, it wasn't for you, it was for my Father. After they left, I teared up and sat in the presence of God as I thanked Him for my blessings. Here comes the point: entertaining angels. I'm not suggesting that the family of three had their pearly white wings tucked into their shirts, what I'm suggesting is that we honor who we serve by serving the least of these. As I mentioned to my mom, it may have been a test from God. In fact, I started worshipping Him after the experience because I knew that God was in my midst. How did I know? Because of the least of these. Feel cold in your walk with Christ? Go serve a homeless man or woman. Talk to the lonely. Befriend the friendless. Give clothes to the naked. These acts will immediately place you in the presence of God, it did for me. For a moment, I thought I was going to have a pentecostal breakdown in the coffee shop. Why? Because it confirmed that God is not done with me. Sometimes I feel discouraged because life seems stagnant. Particularly, I feel stagnant. I feel as if the whole world is moving closer or farther from God and then there's me...stuck. Part of my problem is I live my whole life on feelings--note: you will not always feel like serving God, do it anyways. This affects me in so many different ways. I don't feel like eating healthy, so I don't. I don't feel like working out, so I don't. I don't feel like reading my Bible, so I don't. I believe God is trying to wake me up to a place of discipline and logic. Just because I don't feel like doing something doesn't mean I shouldn't do it anyway. Because I live on feelings, my walk with God is easily dictated by my mood, emotions, and circumstances. I don't want to live that way! I think God is trying to walk me through a phase where life might feel a little dry to teach me to praise when I'm tired, to read when I'm exhausted, and to live honorably when I'm weak. Whoops, got on a tangent! Is any of this making sense or resonating? The more I write, the more I'm beginning to think that this blog is for me more than anyone else. One last thing, pray for me. Specifically? Pray I learn to live a life beyond feelings. Not that feelings aren't good! But it produces a very unstable life, and I could use some stability and progression in my walk with Christ. Love you all! Peace & Blessings. Brigitte

Call of Duty

My heart is broken. After shadowing social workers in a foster care setting, I've never been more determined to advocate Christian's adopting and fostering. I've heard a plethora of excuses: we don't have the money, we don't have the room, how do we know if God wants us to?

First, let's correct the "we don't have the money myth." Some of the poorest are foster parents. The real problem is not can you afford it, but can you afford to live the way you do. Or, in the words of Papa C "can you afford not to?" Let's say your kids get pulled from you. Would you not want someone like yourself to take care of them? Yes. Yes, you would. Then why would you not step out and be the person others need?!

Next, let's address the "we don't have room" excuse. Now, do you not have room or you don't want to give up your sewing room. Or gun room. Or porcelain doll room. Am I stepping on your toes yet?

Lastly, let's address my favorite of all Christian topics--God's will. I love this one because I was led to believe that God's will was a mystery that, if you prayed enough, would be unlocked for your discovery. I believe this to be false. Very false. Apart from your salvation, what does God care about more than anything? The salvation of others. It is my belief that God's will is a simple equation: your talent + witnessing. Now don't you dare tell me your talent is on the pole and your exchanging tracks for dollar bills. I'm talking about God ordained activities! Now, if you're loving, kind, and patient then adopting/foster parenting may be God's will for you. Someone has to do it and wouldn't you rather it be someone who loves Jesus and can share the truth then someone who doesn't give a care. Think about it. Pray about it. Advocate it.

Peace&Blessings.

The Picture that Changed My Life

This picture changed my life. It was almost a year ago when I first saw it. I was sitting in the basement, perusing pinterest when I stumbled across this gem. I instantly knew that I would one day visit Africa, and worship with the beautiful African people. This picture sent me into a whirlwind of questioning. Did I really want my doctorate in psychology? Could I go to Africa with a psych degree? What do I do? How do I get to Africa? These questions became the background music to my thinking, and before long I pursued guidance from people wiser than myself. After consulting with godly professors, I decided to consult a psych professor to see ways psychology and ministry can integrate. The response I received was less than encouraging, as I was counseled to pursue a doctorate, as that was obviously the Lord's plan for me. I walked away shocked and stunned, in complete disarray about my future. Discouraged, I quickly continued the pretense of future doctoral student in the hopes of pleasing others. Have I mentioned that is a bad idea?! To shorten this story, I found social work. I remember sitting in the office of a lovely social work professor as she explained their opportunities to intern abroad. I remember saying "Lord, if she says something about Uganda, I will know this is right." Shortly after, she explained that programs were in Uganda and Romania. I could've cried. Now, I'm choosing to double major in my senior year of college. Yes, that means that I will be staying an extra year, but it also means I just may get to worship with little kids like the one in the above picture. God never fails, and nothing is ever insignificant. Peace & Blessings.

My husband

This title is ironic. Mainly because I have virgin lips (meaning never been kissed), never been in a committed relationship, and seem to only be led on by the elite Christian boys. If I were to tell you my relationship woes were all humorous and lighthearted, I would be a liar (although I've had some hilarious incidences). But with everyday I'm learning to hold on. Boy its tough. Especially since everyone I know is engaged, married, or pregnant! While I have never even been kissed?! It seems absurd, but I'm realizing there is a purpose. Nothing irritates me more than dating girls telling single girls "in due time." Or, "it'll happen." Shut your kissing face. In reality, singlehood says a lot. Thus, I'd like to sift out the things Satan has told me about being single and the things I believe God wants me to remember about being single. Satan's Lies 1. Being single is a sign of being unwanted. You're not worth entering into a relationship with, and based on your record, you never will be. 2. Being single is a statement of your beauty. Only ugly girls can be a senior in college and never had a boyfriend. 3. Being single defines you. God's Promises 1. You are always wanted. I wanted your heart so much, I died for it. Look for someone who will always protect your heart and your honor. 2. You're more beautiful than words can express. I see you in your worst moments and still love you. Don't forget that beauty reigns in the heart. 3. I define you. I got a little goosebumpy (yes, its a word) over that last one. "I define you." If you were watching me type this, you would see that I had to stop and just sit in God's presence. I think He needed me to be reminded of that. Truth is, singlehood has defined me. Ladies, I have cried at the feet of Jesus. I mean CRIED. If you think I'm a strong feminist that holds dear to my singlehood, think again. I have wept at the feet of Christ as I feel looked past. No one ever asked me to the prom, no one found me to be a worthy date. It was tough. Somedays I sob doubting my worth and what I have to offer. Here's the good part BUT God. Don't you love that? But God defines me. But God gives me strength. But God allows me to have affirming parents. But God holds my hand. But God died for a relationship with me. I'm in no way trying to make singlehood pain spiritual. I've been there, the godly girls (with the man on their arm, by the way) offer some of the most spiritual advice. Honestly, I don't think God would say the things they do. Sometimes I imagine God saying, yes it sucks. But I am God. Yes, you are lonely. But I am here. Yes, you are single. But not forever. Hallelujah. The truth is, my relationship status does define me. Its just a different relationship, a heavenly one. An eternal one, and a priceless one. What relationship defines you? Peace & Blessings.

Monumental Moments

Monumental moments. We've all had them, moments that change your life in ways we often cannot fathom. Monumental moments can be either positive or negative and are oftentimes both. These moments often fall into our path, often uninvited, and leave their imprints on the course of our lives. Let me share a monumental moment in my life. It was my senior year of high school. Unlike most, I was dreading the day when I would part from familarity and move onto bigger things. I was comfortable. If you do not know me, then you would not know that comfort happens to be a stumbling block in my life. Comfort breeds complacency, and I am no exception. However, that year had presented a Bible class that had forever marked me. I distinctly remember our Bible teacher acting out the crucifixion of Christ. His details were vivid and often grotesque, details I am still grateful for. He reminded us of the glass attached to the whip and how with each crack of the whip, chunks of flesh were taken with the whip's removal. Bone and muscle showing, Christ was quickly looking less and less human. This descriptive story telling went on for a while. Now, this was not actually my point. My point with that was to demonstrate the power of that Bible class. However, it wasn't until one class period that forever changed my life. I remember coming in late. Why? I'm not sure. I think it may have been something to do with yearbook, but I'm so glad I came to class instead of skipping. That day there were two two-by-fours nailed together in the shape of a cross. Our teacher had a hammer, nail, and a stack of papers. We were to right our biggest sin struggle on the sheet, and then one-by-one we nailed our sin to the cross. We often use examples like this, but something about literally nailing your sin to the cross changes you. Sin becomes more serious, more painful, and to be honest the sound of the hammer striking the nail is never a sound you'll grow used to. While this in itself was monumental, it was the actual act of nailing it to the cross that brings me to this blog post. For some reason, I thought I would gently nail it in, as if the less I hit it the less pain my sin would cause. I remember my teacher having to take the hammer and POUND it into the cross. And just like that it was gone. Of course, I could still see it, it had in no way disappeared, but my attempt to minimize nailing my sin to the cross was pointless. The cross is what it is. We can attempt to minimize it, but we never will. The truth is the cross hurts, its hard, and you'll get a few splinters carrying it with you. Can I challenge you to something? If you have to set down the cross to participate in something, it isn't worth participating in. If you can't do those activities with a cross on your back then it is something you shouldn't do. If that guy asks you to put down the cross so you can sleep with him, the cross doesn't fit in the bed. Keep the cross, nix the boy. I want to challenge you and myself to remember that the cross doesn't fit in all activities. Just because you gently attempt to nail your sin, doesn't make it hurt any less. The cross is fun, the cross is loving, the cross is gentle, but the cross is also monumental. Keep the cross and your moments will be more worthwhile. Peace & Blessings

The right to dignity

I was reading my Human Behavior in the Social Environment text and came across the phrase "human rights and dignity." I immediately paused and wondered why dignity was not encompassed as a human right. Yet, the more I think about it, the more it seems that we leave in a society that diminishes dignity. This is a hard subject for me to talk about for a few reasons. 1). Dignity is not synonymous with pride. Thus, I am not condoning the sin of pride, but rather questioning how we have so willingly embraced a demeaning society. 2). With recent political decisions, I feel that my discussion on dignity may upset some, even though I am making no political statements. After all, no one hates politics more than myself. Now that I have made my brief disclaimer, I would like to consider this topic a little further. In my text, it was talking about the effects of patriarchy, oppression, discrimination, and prejudice. (Note: the difference between discrimination and prejudice is action versus attitude, respectively). If you were to consider each of these, you would notice that in order for such ideologies to exist, one loses dignity. Patriarchical societies often place the male brain as superior to the female brain, thus, women lose a sense of dignity over their abiity to reason. Take each of the previous instances and you will see that I am correct. However, as I was considering this, it occurred to me that maybe a loss of dignity is at the root of sin. My dear friend Hannah once observed that most sin seems to be of a direct or indirect hurt to another human being. Think about it: adultery, lying, murder, etc. Similarly, what if a root qualification for sin is when our actions or thoughts cause one to lose dignity? Gossip. Hurtful words and loose tongues may cause one to lose dignity. Lying. Untruthful words can ruin a reputation and cause one to lose dignity. Adultery. Unfaithful spouses can break a trust and cause victimized spouse to lose dignity. Interesting, huh? Thus, I would like to caution you. Before you make that bold accusation about the lady using food stamps, before you snarl your nose at the man begging on the corner, consider their dignity and consider how you may have just sinned. Peace & Blessings.